The lights are off, the alarm’s set, the house is quiet.

Click, click, click.

I open my eyes. There’s a sound in the room.

Click, click, click.

It’s the overhead ceiling fan. We haven’t used the ceiling fan in weeks since the weather’s been cold outside. This was the first night we turned the fan on and, there it was, the noise.

Click, click, click.

Normally I can tune out noise. This talent – that’s what I call it – started when I was a young girl. There were seven children in our house, and we were a loud family.

Because there were so many of us, we had to talk loudly to be heard. I’ll be honest – there was lots of yelling from a couple of us because we needed to be heard.

If we weren’t yelling, laughing or playing, the television was on. I think the TV played almost non-stop when we were growing up. That’s how I learned to tune out unwanted noise – either concentrate on the people around me or the television.

When I first went to college, I lived in a dorm. There was always noise because there was one central bath area.

Somebody was usually yelling up and down the hall for another towel, to see if somebody was in their room or there was music playing.

In order to study and finish homework, I learned to tune out all that commotion.

When I moved to a house, the first thing I did when I came home from work was turn on the television. It didn’t matter what was playing – the noise was familiar and kept me company.

Then my first child came along. “Sesame Street” was usually playing in the background no matter what we were doing. This is before parents learned about the dangers of overstimulation.

Instead of mentally overwhelming him, Nick learned to tune out what he didn’t want to hear. Later in his childhood, that ability translated into tuning out my voice when I asked him to take out the garbage or put his clothes away.

That tuning out ability went right down the line to his brother. Every school morning, I’d yell upstairs “Are you up yet?” Every. Single. Day.

When Nick called from college early one morning, I was in the midst of yelling the daily nagging refrain.

“Oh no,” Nick groaned. “It’s the voice from my nightmares.”

Apparently he’d tuned out my voice but the trauma remained.

But when it comes to noises in the house, my hearing is selective. I can ignore loud music and singing coming from our granddaughter’s karaoke machine, but I jump right up whenever the dryer dings that the clothes are finished.

I can hear a cricket in the next room in the middle of the night and ignore somebody tapping on the desk in an office.

The cricket requires immediate removal, no matter how long I have to search that bedroom. The office tapper could bang out the chorus to “Wipe Out” and I wouldn’t blink an eye.

If my car makes an odd noise, I turn the radio up. If the grandchildren are over and they’re loud, I smile and let the chaos run its course.

These days won’t last forever, and a noisy house is a small price to pay for having them with us.

My husband believes the motor might be going out in the ceiling fan. As that’ll be an expensive fix, I think I’ll put that ceiling fan noise in the category of “let’s tune this out.”

That’s a noise my checkbook and I can live with.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

Word came down last week that another home-town business is closing. Dozier’s Barbecue in Fulshear shut and locked its doors this week.

Ed Dozier opened the barbecue and meat market in 1957, and the place was a staple for college students and families heading to College Station from Richmond and Rosenberg.

In 1985, the Evans brothers bought the restaurant, but they kept Ed’s name as tribute to this long-respected pit master. New owners came along a couple of years ago, but with Covid and other economic challenges, the restaurant decided to close.

In a blow that affected most of Fort Bend County, The Swinging Door, a long-time favorite barbecue restaurant, closed after 50 years in the same location. Most of us had sopped their famous sauce and jalapeno bread at those red-checked tablecloths, snacked on the dill pickles and held our end-of-season baseball parties and wedding showers at the cozy place on FM 359.

When my son went back to Taiwan a few years ago, he promised his friends he’d bring back genuine Texas barbecue. He took a couple of pounds of The Swinging Door’s right-off-the-grill brisket on that long flight overseas.

He was the most popular guy on the plane.

Every small city has more than its share of chain restaurants. They’re reliable, and the foods taste the same whether you order a burger and fries in Philadelphia, San Francisco or Dallas.

But what sets places like home-grown restaurants apart from the chain is their individuality, their quirkiness, and their ability to set their own menu and prices. They make their own decisions about what to serve, just like so many of our remaining mom-and-pop restaurants.

Many of the fast food places employ our teens and young adults as they work their way through school, but nothing beats having the family that employs you attend your high school graduation. These owners understand when you need to take the night off because your little sister’s having a play at the elementary school.

Maybe we don’t patronize these family-owned and home-town places as we should. But let’s face it, we don’t visit elderly relatives like we should either.

We have fond memories of our grandparents, aunts and uncles, know we owe them for forming us into who we are, and yet we stay home, order fast food and believe the families who run establishments we take for granted will go on forever.

The truth is, they’re disappearing faster than ever. In their place will be some bland chain restaurant, a high-priced convenience store or, horrors of horrors, a parking lot.

Gone will be the scuffed wooden table and chairs we sat on as kids and our children squirmed in until their dinner came. No longer will we order what we want without looking at the menu because the same food’s been on the menu for the past 20 years.

My mom made a great meatloaf, but it wasn’t exactly the same each and every time. That’s what made it great. It’s the same with family-owned places. The dishes and meals are almost the same, but we know that mom or dad in the back fussed with the details a little to make their meals a little bit better, just as our parents did back in the day.

Chains follow the recipes down to the same amount of salt. I’ll take the variety a local place offers every single time.

While we still have family-owned restaurants here in Fort Bend County, give them your business. Bypass the drive-throughs and sit down on a patched vinyl-covered bench and order food the way it’s been cooked for years.

Do your part to make sure we don’t lose any more eateries that make Fort Bend County our own special home.

 

 This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

Our granddaughter had a special “crossing over” Scouting ceremony this week. This is when Cub Scouts advance from a pack into a Scout troop.

Kat’s been working for months to finish all her requirements, and the big night finally arrived. The pack stated we could bring a shadow box filled with Kat’s badges and other memorabilia to display on a table, so I fixed one up.

I walked into the ceremony about 30 minutes early, and my heart dropped as I looked around. Six other Scouts were crossing over with Kat, and their displays looked gorgeous.

They had tri-fold poster boards covered with photos and colored paper. The parents had carefully laid all the Cub’s certificates, Pinewood Derby cars and belt loops from the time they were in kindergarten to this point.

One table had frames filled with photos and decorations, and every belt loop, badge and neckerchief earned since the day they joined Cub Scouts.

We had a shadow box.

That’s it.

There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re the most unprepared person in the room. It’s like going to a birthday party when you’re told not to bring gifts but everyone else not only has a gift, but the big package is wrapped in beautiful paper with tons of ribbons and bows.

Kat’s mom and I whispered about what to do and quickly started to take things out of the shadow box.

If we uncurled the ribbons to Kat’s medals, we could create a bit more interest. We unpinned her neckerchief and used that to take up part of one side of the table.

We’d brought a gift for Kat’s den leader, decorated with tissue paper and ribbons. We placed that on the table to add a bit of flair.

Still, we were behind the other elaborate displays.

I turned to one of the moms in Kat’s group and told her we didn’t realize we needed to go all out for this ceremony.

She smiled and told me not to worry.

Michelle returned with a banner for us to put on the front of the table plus extra pennants. We all dug around in our purses and came up with a few things to add some color to Kat’s table.

In a matter of minutes, Michelle helped Kat’s mom and me transform our humble table into one that sparkled, just like Kat was sparkling with excitement.

Kat’s mom reassured me her daughter was fine with the plain table, and I believed her, but I wasn’t. I want my grandchildren to feel special and to believe they are shining stars.

Fortunately, Kat didn’t need the glitz and glamor I wanted her to have. She had her family around her plus the support of the Cub Scouts she’d camped with, earned belt loops with and had fun with. She left wonderful friends and leaders, but her new all-girl troop welcomed her that night with open arms.

I know women can sometimes be catty, mean and vindictive. But when the chips are down, women rally and help each other. We’ll take a bow from our hair, share our makeup, clothes and the jewelry we’re wearing to help another woman feel pretty.

At the crossing over ceremony, the emotions I felt were pride in my granddaughter and humble thankfulness for women who support other women.

The highlights of the night were the smiles of pride on Kat and her mom’s faces as she crossed over the bridge to an exciting new experience. That was what the night was really all about, not fancy displays.

I know Kat will learn about the bonds of sisterhood from the all-girl troop she’s joining. That’s a treasured lesson she’ll carry all her life.

As a side reward, I was reminded that the sisterhood of women is alive and sustained by feminine hearts that understand a true bond doesn’t come from ribbons and bows.

That bond comes from the heart.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

 

My grandson and I were pulling into a parking spot at the grocery store, casually chatting. I glanced over and a tall, muscular man was running through the lot. He was dressed in raggedy shorts and a ripped shirt.

His legs, neck, and arms were covered in tattoos. Without thinking, I made a derogatory remark about the man’s tattoos. My grandson looked at me in surprise since he hadn’t heard something like that come out of my mouth.

Instantly, I was ashamed.

I’d judged this man by his tattoos and the clothes he was wearing.

I had no way of knowing what line of work he was in, his background or who he was.

I made a judgmental decision based only on how he looked.

Shame on me.

Double shame on me for making a flippant remark like that in front of my grandson.

I apologized over and over for what I’d said, but the feeling of shame and guilt hasn’t gone away.

Over the years, I’ve made snap judgments based on surface facts. I remember looking at people when I was a young woman and admiring their bravery in dressing differently or when their hair was a rainbow of colors or they wore whatever they wanted.

Somewhere along the line, my tolerance faded.

I was at a funeral recently, and some people came in wearing blue jeans. My first impulse was to shake my head in disgust and wonder what happened to dressing appropriately for the occasion.

My second thought was a mental slap. Perhaps that’s the best clothes they could afford. Maybe to them, dressing up meant a nice pair of jeans and a shirt.

Who was I to judge them?

Apparently, I’d found myself qualified to be the judge, jury and executioner.

Before I had children, if I saw a parent lose his or her cool in the store, I’d haughtily say that would never be me.

After my third and wild child threw some Oscar-worthy tantrums in public, I was ashamed I’d judged those parents without having walked in their shoes.

Now when I see a frustrated parent, I tell them not to worry about other people judging them. Those of us who had children totally get it and these kids will grow up.

The first time I saw a woman with a cardboard sign asking for food, the sight tugged at my heart because she had a child with her. My granddaughter and I went to a fast-food place around the corner, picked up food and brought it back to them.

They didn’t want the food. They wanted money.

Now whenever I see a person and children at a corner, I’m angry and judgmental. How can a parent put their child out there while they beg strangers for money? There’s agencies that offer food, shelter, and clothing.

But wait a minute, I’m starting to think. Those people could honestly be so down on their luck, they’re reduced to begging on the streets. They could be shysters but they could be desperate.

I see someone dressed in expensive clothes in the store and I think they’re blissfully happy. They have it all – money, jewelry, clothes. Looks, I remind myself, are deceiving. Just because someone looks like they have it all doesn’t mean they have everything.

There was a woman in the mall recently, and I thought she was down on her luck. Then some children and another adult came running up to her, with hugs and laughter.

What she was wearing or the amount of money in her wallet didn’t matter. This woman was surrounded by love, and the happiness on her face was quite evident.

I like to think I’ve got my temper under control, but I lose my cool more than I’d like.

I want to think I’m calm and cool in tough situations, but I’ll often have a meltdown instead of thinking rationally through the problem.

I want to think I’m showing my grandson to look beyond the outside and, instead, pay close attention to what’s inside a person’s heart.

I want to believe I’m better than I really am.

The truth is, I’ve got a very long ways to go.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

 

March is Women’s History Month. This is an annual observance that highlights the many contributions and strides women have made to history and society.

Growing up, I don’t remember celebrating a Women’s History Month. We studied women male historians chose. The women I’d choose would include famous women, but the truly important are the everyday women.

There were hundreds of women of all races, cultures and religions who helped create history. They’re the unsung heroes. The women who made sure the food was cooked, fields were planted and wounds were tended. They invented and created without receiving credit.

Women, like men, worked from sunup to sundown, but they weren’t mentioned as being important. These women weren’t valued, but most of us can look to our female ancestors for inspiration.

My great-great grandparents lived in Lebanon. When the war started there, our great-grandmother, Labibee, did whatever it took to feed and keep her family together.

She worked long, hard hours in a quarry. Later, she found items people were throwing away, fixed or repurposed them and made a nice profit.

Labibee carried bags of sewing items from one town to another to sell. She inspired her daughters to open their own successful sewing shop.

She, and many other female trailblazers like her, aren’t in any history book.

My dad’s mother was unexpectedly widowed in her 40s. Marguerite and her husband were in the middle of selling the family newspaper when my grandfather passed away, and the deal fell through. They lost whatever assets they had.

Grandma had a teen-age daughter, no income and a high school education. She found she could be a house mother for a fraternity or sorority. Her daughter could live with her at the sorority house for free, so she took the job.

Marguerite worked as a house mother at the University of Alabama, Auburn University and Louisiana State University until she was 93 years young.

She’s not in any history book.

When I was in high school, one of my favorite friends was Marie Anderman. She was one of a dozen children, and her father unexpectedly passed away. The government wanted to take the Anderman children away because they didn’t think a widow could care for them.

Mrs. Anderman proved them wrong.

She started selling Amway, and she was the best Amway sales person in the whole parish. She kept her family together, made sure they were clothed, fed and educated.

She’s not in any history book either.

Many of us have strong matriarchs in our family, women who bucked the system and forged the best path they could. Many were denied a formal education, but they insisted their children go to school and have careers.

So many had to work as domestics because that was the only job they could get while still rearing their own children in a society that looked down on women, especially women of color. But they cleaned their way through those houses, changed the diapers on other women’s children, and did so six days a week for pennies.

Those women’s names aren’t in any history book.

But they are in our family histories, and that’s what makes these women more valuable than gold.

They were pioneers for us. They did the hard work so we could have a better life, a better place in society, and, best of all, a chance to reach the stars.

For Women’s History Month, I’m saluting the unsung female heroes. These are the women in our families and society who did what they had to do no matter the circumstances.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

I was listening to the news on my ride into Rosenberg early one morning. The top story was the presidential election where the mudslinging is hot and heavy.

Also in the news was a raging fire near Amarillo, and residents were urged to flee. The newscaster ended the segment talking about a looming government shutdown. Then there was the usual litany of accidents on the freeway, overnight murders and robberies.

And, before they go to a commercial break, beware of porch pirates, people robbing you when you go to the mall and purse snatchers as you put your groceries in your car.

What a way to start the morning, I thought. It’s no wonder there’s so much road rage out there, and why people are in grouchy moods before that first cup of coffee kicks in.

I neared the stop light on Avenue I in front of Lucky Rudy’s and saw the light was yellow. I applied the brakes, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw a young woman dashing across four lanes of traffic.

I looked to see what could be so important she’d risk getting hit. Then I saw where she was headed.

On the other side of the street was an elderly lady in a wheelchair. She was on the sidewalk, close to the road. She looked so small in that wheelchair, and I could see she was all alone.

But not for long. This young woman quickly made her way across the road and was rushing up to the lady. That’s when I noticed why the wheelchair was tilted a little bit.

The wheels of the chair had gotten caught in the broken concrete. I only realized that when I saw the young lady put her purse and bag down next to the wheelchair, smiling at the lady the whole time.

Then she pushed the wheelchair out of the rut, pulled the chair away from the road and back onto the smooth sidewalk.

In less than a minute, one young lady restored my faith in humanity. She’d noticed what none of the rest of us had seen, and she took immediate action without hesitating.

People must’ve noticed the lady in the wheelchair but nobody stopped. Someone could’ve rolled down their window and asked her or parked their car and gotten out to see if she was in trouble.

But on a chilly morning, nobody had taken the time to stop.

Except one young lady.

We hear about random acts of kindness all the time, and we remind ourselves we need to be better.

We need to pay attention and help others when the situation arises.

When something does happen and we’re either in a hurry or not close enough, we hope somebody else will take the time to lend a helping hand.

Selfishly, it’s hard to inconvenience ourselves, especially when we’re on the way to work, and often running late.

So many people kept driving right past that lady in the wheelchair, and I would’ve been one of them. I would’ve glanced at her quickly and told myself she was waiting for a ride or for the light to change.

I would’ve been wrong.

A feeling of guilt and happiness filled my heart as I drove off. Guilt that I hadn’t noticed the lady on the side of the road. Happiness that a young girl did something positive about the situation.

Despite the doom-and-gloom headlines, there are good, kind people right here in our midst.

They pay attention, get out of their comfort zone and lend a helping hand.

I’m glad that young lady did exactly that.

In less than two minutes, my dear, you restored my faith that this world isn’t going to the devil.

Thank you.

 

         This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

If you’re around a kid, you realize how technologically gifted they are and how woefully behind you are.

When I want to do something complicated on my phone, I hand it over to my 9-year-old grandson. He’s handy with technology and isn’t afraid to tap buttons until he finds an answer.

If he can’t figure it out, the task passes to his oldest sister. She’s 16 and whizzes around the phone screen like a speed skater at the Olympics.

There’s a new product on the market now, the Rabbit A-1. According to the company, the Rabbit A-1 is the simplest computer and does everything without having to find an app on the phone screen. They claim you don’t need to learn how to use it. Just talk to the Rabbit A-1 and it learns as it goes.

That would be something new for moms of teenage boys.

On the Rabbit A-1, there’s no balancing apps and logins – ask for what you want and let the device delivers. No scrolling around, trying to remember where you stashed that grocery store app.

The Rabbit A-1 does it all with no buttons and is billed as a companion.

Let’s see – a companion that doesn’t talk back, does what you want immediately with no questions asked and never wants to borrow your car keys.

I could get used to that.

We rely so much on technology, but we’re slowly losing the ability to think for ourselves. Instead of Googling what’s the capitol of Arkansas, I need to rack my brain to come up with the answer.

It’s Little Rock, by the way, and I didn’t need to look that up. Okay, I did double check my answer online.

But there’s lots of facts and tasks I want to do without the aid of a computer. I’d like to think I could get some of the answers on “Jeopardy” without the help of an online search engine.

I hope I can still name all four of The Beatles, remember the distance in a marathon is still a little over 26 miles and George Washington was the first president of the United States.

My son often calls me for advice when their toddler is sick. My remedies include Vick’s Vapor Rub and a humidifier. Ginger ale and crackers are a go-to for getting through a stomach virus.

I can still read a paper map – and fold it back up – and I know how to put windshield wiper fluid in the tank. I don’t have to check YouTube for how to set a table properly because my grandmother taught me how to do that years ago.

Text messages are fine if you want to pass on a quick message, but nothing beats a person-to-person visit, or if distance is an issue, a phone call. I could get the grocery store to deliver a bag of sugar if I run out, but if I go across the street to my neighbor’s house, I get to visit with them while borrowing what I need.

Technology does make a lot of things simpler. A calculator is a godsend for people like me who are math-challenged. YouTube has saved me money and time when something breaks, although I miss calling my dad or Uncle Jim for advice.

We can’t stop the wheels of progress, but we can decide to observe from the sidelines instead of jumping on the fast track for every shiny new gadget that comes along.

I believe that’s the stand I’ll take.

Every time, I’ll take human companions over a computer and, occasionally, trust my instincts. Besides, I’d much rather talk to my neighbor over a cup of sugar than I would have an app order it from the store.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

I was ready. I washed the sweaters I’d been wearing since October, hand washed the scarves I wore to keep my neck warm and rolled up the knee socks in my drawer.

The weather was warmer, and I had my fingers crossed we were on a roll. Seventy-degree days were happening, and my feet were finally starting to defrost.

But Mother Nature is fickle, especially here in Texas. One day, it’s 70 degrees and blue skies. The next, it’s cold with gray skies and gale-force winds.

Back in February of 2021, we thought we were finished with the cold. Then the big freeze hit and we were without power or heat for days. So we can’t count out another freeze until at least the first part of March.

For some people, the cold is welcome. They love nothing more than when the outside temperature hovers below 20 degrees. They look forward to drinking hot tea, wearing flannel shirts and heavy fur-lined boots.

Not me.

I’m a hot-weather fan. When it’s cold, I have to wear long sleeves and long pants, both of which make me itch.

My skin dries out, and at night, I’m bundled up in pajamas and a robe. To make sure I don’t wake up freezing in the middle of the night, I also sleep under three blankets.

My husband has patiently explained that the temperature in the house is the same as it is in the summer. That logic does not matter to my cold hands, my runny nose and my freezing feet.

It’s cold.

I’m cold.

And I complain.

A lot.

I whine how unhappy I am when it’s winter. There’s no leaves on the trees, the grass is a bland shade of brown, and there’s no flowers blooming. The sky is usually gray and, more times than not this year, it’s raining.

I understand science, and I try to stay positive. We need the cold weather to allow plants to rejuvenate. The different seasons allow us to see things we don’t see when it’s a jungle outside.

I can see more birds in the trees because they’re not hidden by all the leaves. Our grass doesn’t need cutting every week because it’s not growing.

But to my cold-adverse heart, those are feeble excuses.

The only thing good about cold weather is that snakes hibernate. It could be I’ve got some reptilian blood because I totally understand why something would want to curl up under a rock when the wind’s howling and the temperatures are below 40 degrees.

In the summer, especially in the South, the colors are spectacular. The flowers show off their reds, crimsons and yellows. Leaves are deep green, and there’s plenty of them.

The food is colorful – spicy green guacamole, juicy, deep red watermelons and vegetables in every color of the rainbow. Pitchers of iced tea take their rightful place in the fridge.

Produce prices are low, and that section of the store is overflowing with healthy, colorful choices.

In the winter, we’ve got butternut squash and bananas. Both are yellow and, when cut open, are either pale yellow or white.

In the summer, we can barbecue in the back yard, wear flip flops every single day, eat Popsicles, ride bikes, skateboard, or walk.

No denying that we sweat a lot in the heat, but I’ve rationalized that irritant away. The excess humidity keeps our skin looking younger longer.

Fitting in outside chores requires getting up early or working after dinner. That’s okay because it’s light outside until almost 9 p.m. in the summer.

The washer and dryer have an easier time with T-shirts and shorts instead of heavy jeans and jackets.

In the summer, we’re not washing blankets and comforters – a plain sheet works just fine at night.

Those who love the cold can have it, including my share. I’ll keep my sweaty July, hotter-n-blazes August and even a blistering September.

Just let me wear my shorts again.

And let my feet finally warm up.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

They start calling to me the minute I walk into the grocery store.

“I’m here… buy me…” they whisper.

They look innocent, but they’re the devil’s bait.

I’m talking about the delicious, sinful Cadbury Mini Eggs.

These candies are about the size of an almond. The inside is rich, creamy milk chocolate, and not cheap chocolate. The chocolate is then covered in a crisp sugar shell dyed in pastel colors.

So sweet. So innocent.

So addicting.

The package pulls you in, much like a Venus Fly Trap.

Looks pretty.

Deadly inside.

There’s a sweet little bunny on the front of the package. One ear is gently folded, and he has a bit of a smile on his face. Delicate flowers surround the pastel colored eggs.

Yes, these candies look innocent, but one serving of nine eggs – realistically, who can stop there – is 160 calories. It’s 44 percent sugar, but if you’re going to eat candy, the more sugar, the better.

Cadbury Mini Eggs are only available for a few weeks before and after Easter. Innocent buyers will pick up a bag, open it, pop two or three eggs in their mouth and then they’re hooked.

I’ve munched through an entire 9-ounce bag in one stressful day. Did the chocolate make me feel better? I hate to admit it, but yes, the Cadbury Mini Eggs made my mind feel better, but my hips screamed.

If you miss buying the Cadbury eggs when they’re on the shelf, and by this time you’re an addict, you’ll pay for not stocking up. You can only buy them around Easter.

I know this because during a stressful summer, I looked for them online. The Hershey’s site stated they were unavailable.

I looked on Amazon, and they were $40 for a bag that retails for less than $5 at Easter time. Even I couldn’t justify paying that much for them, even though a little, evil voice in my head whispered “you know they’re worth it, get them, get them, get them.”

 

I bought Dove chocolates which are more expensive than the Cadbury Mini Eggs. But even at the higher price and supposedly better chocolate, they were a poor substitute for the Cadbury treats.

For those not familiar with the mini eggs, you might say they’re not the only candies that are only for sale during holiday seasons. It’s impossible to find marshmallow Peeps in July. I like sugar, but even those little confections are too much for my taste buds.

The chocolate companies have caught on to offering their treats year round. M&Ms are available for every holiday. There’s red, white and blue ones in the summer months, brown, orange and yellow ones in the fall and red and green during December.

The Hershey Company changes the foil on their Kisses to reflect the season. Red, green and silver at Christmas and red and pink for Valentine’s Day. They also offer different flavors depending on the season.

But the Cadbury Mini Eggs remain the same. Always the purple bag. Always the little bunny on the front. Always delicious, always irresistible and always addicting.

Do yourself a favor. Buy at least 10 bags right now. If you’re a recovering chocolate addict like me, don’t go down the candy aisle until April 1. In fact, avoid the side of the grocery store where the candy aisle’s located if at all possible.

Your hips will thank you.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

Yesterday, I watched a car zoom across four lanes of traffic on I-10 at 65 miles an hour. All the cars around this selfish driver were slamming on their brakes as he exited without slowing down.

Curious, I wondered if there was a law about that kind of aggressive driving. When I got home, I started investigating, went down a rabbit hole and got hooked.

According to the Neal Davis Law firm, Texas Penal Code Section 48.02, it is against the law to sell human organs. You are, however, free to sell blood and hair.

I wonder if it’s against the law to auction off cellulite, wrinkles, crow’s feet and varicose veins. I’d be a millionaire if that was true.

Eating your neighbor’s garbage without permission can land you in jail for trespassing and property theft. Someone needs to alert the dogs down the street because they’re up to no good.

When my neighbor puts his garbage at the street in a plastic bag, those dogs rip it open in minutes. I wonder if they’d think twice if they knew their behavior was against the law.

I have a feeling they won’t care.

Those planning to commit a crime in Texas are required by law to provide their victims with 24 hours written or verbal notice.

The next time someone breaks into my car, smashing the windows and taking my belongings, I hope they got permission to do that. I’d hate to think they were violating the law.

This law had to be written by drunk legislators – while you don’t legally need a windshield to drive a car in Texas, it is illegal to drive without windshield wipers.

In Galveston, you can be fined $500 for sitting on the sidewalk. Please tell that to all the Mardi Gras revelers who sit down and count their beads while waiting for the next float to pass by.

Some of the dumb laws make sense. Don’t milk someone else’s cow. You can get fined up to $10. Back when milk was hovering around $5 a gallon, it might’ve been tempting to grab a bucket and look for old Bessie.

It’s illegal to drive your horse and buggy through a town square. I wish it was illegal to drive a car with the radio blaring through the middle of town.

It’s illegal to own encyclopedias because they contain a recipe to make homemade beer. These lawmakers better not look at a teenager’s cell phone.

The recipe to making a nuclear bomb is online, but let’s outlaw Encyclopedia Britannica. It’s the gateway to world destruction.

You can’t make a u-turn at any intersection in Richardson, Texas. That law would cripple Houstonians. I see people making U-turns at intersections, through the median, and occasionally in someone’s front yard.

In all fairness, we’re not the only state with strange and unusual laws. In Louisiana, you can’t tie an alligator to a fire hydrant. I guess it’s okay to tie one to a fence or the bumper of your car, just not a fire hydrant.

Many Texans think California is a weird place. They have some strange laws that back up that claim. In L.A., it’s against the law to lick a toad or wear a Zoot suit. There goes all the weekend fun.

Peacocks have the right of way to cross any California street, including driveways. Here in Texas, Longhorns and Aggies have that right.

You wonder who had the time to think up these laws. Then you wonder who listened to the pros and cons in the legislature. Then, the final head scratcher is who and how many voted these kinds of motions into actual laws.

The next time I’m in Louisiana, I’ll be on the lookout for alligators tied to fire hydrants. If I’m ever in California, I’ll need to resist licking any toads. That, not crossing over six lanes of traffic, is sure to land me in jail.

Go figure.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.