I’ve been watching The Oscars ever since I was a little girl. My mom would narrate the awards, and I’d gobble up every morsel.

We’d ooh and aah over the dresses, the jewelry, the make-up – everything about this night was magical to us as we were sitting in our pajamas on our old plaid couch.

That was then.

This year, the Academy Awards were awful.

Like millions, I tuned in but then switched channels halfway through.

Even though I’m just a speck on the movie screen, I’ve got some suggestions for the producers for next year’s show.

Pomp and circumstance. Magazines and websites are filled with daily stories about the English royals.

They don’t really do anything for the country except give British subjects someone to put up on a pedestal, whether or not those princes and princesses deserve it.

Movie stars are America’s royalty. We know them by their first names – Meryl and Lupita – and we keep up with their lives, loves, hopes and dreams.

The Oscars are when our Hollywood royalty really shines, especially when it comes to their clothes.

I’m a red carpet fangirl. I love seeing what the stars are wearing to The Oscars.

I can picture that horrible swan outfit Bjork wore one year and the gorgeous gowns Grace Kelly wore back in the day.

I love the pre-Oscars show where we get to see the flowing dresses up close and find out the designer’s name.

Give us back our Harry Winston jewels.

Showcase those Armani and Chanel tuxedos and chiffon gowns.

Let us choose our new hairstyle based on what Sandra Bullock or Viola Davis wore to the ceremony.

While we’re talking glam, who chose the building this year? This year’s ceremony looked like it was held in a high school gymnasium where the prom committee put up plastic curtains and crepe paper to make things look festive.

I want the ritzy auditoriums, the luxurious red drapes, the thousands of twinkling lights on the stage and television screens the size of a Winnebago so I can see clips from the nominated movies.

As so many of them were on streaming services, few of us knew anything about the movies.

Give us the clips so we can see what we’ve missed and, if we were lucky enough to see one of the nominated movies, a chance to revisit an intriguing story.

A host. When the producers asked the popular Kevin Hart to host last year and then pulled the offer back after he was involved in a scandal, the academy thought they could go on without a host.

Big mistake.

Hosts are vital to the awards ceremony. Bob Hope was the master of ceremonies 19 times, and viewers loved his ability to crack jokes throughout the whole show.

He was also a beloved figure in America, having entertained the troops for over 50 years from World War II through the Persian Gulf War.

His jokes were often corny, but the troops loved that he gave of his time to bring home to them and we loved a familiar face in our living rooms.

Other favorites are Billy Crystal who hosted nine times, Johnny Carson, Whoopi Goldberg and Chris Rock. These were popular comedians in our culture, and they brought a bit of political bite and humor to big business in Hollywood.

Not having a host is a big mistake.

In a year where we lost so much due to Covid and social distancing, we could’ve used some old-fashioned charm and style from Hollywood.

We could’ve used the glitz, the glamor and the American royalty that movie stars give us.

So next year, let’s go back to the elegant Shrine Auditorium and see if the Avengers would host The Oscars.

Three hours of Iron Man and Thor?

Count me in.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.