My uncle Marshall died unexpectedly when he was 21 years old. I remember hearing my grandmother wailing in the bathroom that night.

For the rest of her life, she wore nothing but black or navy blue clothes, seldom smiled and we were forbidden from mentioning Marshall’s name in her presence.

This once vibrant woman turned into a bitter, angry person.

That’s what I thought bereavement looked like.

But Dana McBride completely changed my outlook about death and grieving in less than 10 minutes.

Many years ago, I heard about children at Austin Elementary collecting coins for Chandler’s Tree Farm. My first thought was they were planting trees at the school.

Their project was much bigger.

Chandler McBride was the younger brother of Chelsea McBride, a student at the school. Chandler was battling cancer at Texas Children’s Hospital.

The McBrides understood first-hand the hardships quarantined families faced as they spent weeks isolated on the ward.

Dana and Kevin decided to make those families’ lives a little brighter with the help of the children at Austin Elementary. On every holiday, Dana, Kevin and Chelsea bought gifts for all the families on the ward.

Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Valentine’s Day were all celebrated with the families by the McBrides. At Christmas, Kevin dressed up like Santa and pulled Chandler in a little red wagon to deliver the gifts.

As much good as they put out into the universe, 2-year-old Chandler quietly died in Dana’s arms.

There are few parents who could recover from such a heartbreaking tragedy.

But the McBrides chose a different path.

Instead of shutting their hearts, Dana, Kevin and Chelsea remembered the exhausted parents on the cancer ward.

Every Christmas for 18 years, Kevin dressed up as Santa and Dana and Chelsea delivered gifts from the back of Chandler’s little red wagon.

This family that brought such joy to so many was dealt an unbelievably cruel blow last week.

Chelsea was tragically killed in an automobile accident.

When I read Dana’s post about Chelsea receiving her heavenly wings, I had to read the post three times for it to sink in.

Surely God could not be so cruel as to take both of the McBride’s children.

Not the bright and happy Chelsea who volunteered at the local cancer center and worked with children. Not this family again.

I drove to the funeral reception in Lufkin with a heavy heart, crying, yelling at God, wondering how Dana and Kevin could survive this gut-wrenching tragedy.

When I saw Dana, she jumped up and hugged me. I told her how sorry I was and she said she was too, but they’d had Chelsea living with them and she was so grateful for that time with her daughter.

And then she changed my life.

With a serene smile on her face, Dana told me how she’s coping. We all have a purpose in life, she said. They were parents to Chandler and Chelsea and now God needed her and Kevin for something else.

“Chandler and Chelsea will be waiting for us when it’s our time,” she said. “Until then, we need to do what we can to fulfill our purpose here on earth.”

I came to Chelsea’s reception with an angry heart.

I left with forgiveness in my heart.

I took Dana’s words as a life challenge.

Live with a purpose, even on the days when you think you can’t get out of bed for the overwhelming sadness.

Live with forgiveness, even on those days when anger is the only emotion you feel.

Live with hope, even during the nights when overwhelming memories threaten to drown you.

There’s a reason and a purpose for your being here.

Never stop searching for your purpose here on earth and continue to pray for comfort, strength and peace for Dana and Kevin.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald