Former publisher Clyde King had a tradition of writing about the Darwin Awards. The dubious award came up in conversations with my grandson this week. He’s studying to get his learners permit, and part of the curriculum is vehicle observation.
It’s easy to point out the difference between the dashed lines and the solid lines in the middle of the road and their meaning.
Even though parallel parking is tricky, it’s a lot easier than explaining why certain drivers attempt some of the hare-brained stunts we’ve seen on the roadways.
Here’s a few of the maneuvers we’ve witnessed this summer: a small sedan crossed four lanes of heavy traffic at 60 miles per hour to make an upcoming exit.
Another man left a gas station and instead of turning right onto a divided highway, he turned left, the wrong way.
Luckily the light was red for oncoming traffic, and, in the midst of at least a dozen people honking their horns from three different directions, he was able to turn safely at the light.
We’ve seen people driving at least 90 mph on the freeways, tailgaters where I could make out their names on their shirts, people reading a book while behind the wheel and dozens of boneheads running stop signs and red lights.
These are the reasons I found myself explaining the meaning of a Darwin Award.
Established in 1993 by Wendy Northcutt, the Darwin Awards are given to people who are not only stupid but exceedingly stupid. There are rules for qualifying, including the person must no longer be living and the event must be true.
Writers of the website use humor to describe some of the dumb things people have done, resulting in a good laugh at people’s inability to see the results of their ridiculous decisions.
Keeping Clyde’s tradition going, here’s a few of my favorite Darwin Award winners.
In 2019, two Texas men decided to ignore the fact that the Black Bayou Drawbridge in Lake Charles, La. was closed to cars and open to boats.
Who could resist this challenge? Obviously not these two.
They tried a “Smokey and the Bandit” trick to vault over the open drawbridge, but, alas, their car fell short, dropped into the water and the men drowned.
Road rage will get you every time. Two vehicles were in a fender-bender in Poland in 2018, and the drivers jumped out of their cars and began arguing. That grew into a physical fight, and the two wrestled until they were facing oncoming traffic.
A huge truck came along and ended the argument, and the lives, of the two road-ragers.
The Darwin Awards aren’t the only place where people are recognized for their stupid antics. A would-be criminal in Atlanta tried to rob a nail salon, but nobody bought the fact that he was serious.
Eventually, the thief realized he wasn’t getting any reactions from the women in the salon, and he left without a dime.
Here’s one for probably the dumbest criminal in Texas. Undercover police were on a stakeout in Lakeway, hoping to catch a car thief.
When the thief tried to steal their unmarked police car, he found the vehicle filled with officers.
Busted.
As I explained to Alex, there’s no shortage of stupid people in this world. That’s why it’s best to always keep an eye on the road because, if you think somebody’s going to do something stupid, chances are they will.
This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.