If you’re going anywhere in Texas, you’re spending a lot of time in your vehicle.

There’s lots of ways to pass the time as you stew in traffic jams, crawl through the school carpool line or cover the 20 miles between your house and the grocery store.

One is to create a bingo game, and here’s a few suggestions for categories. Give yourself a free space in the middle, just to be fair.

There’s the “I Wonder Box.” This is when I guess where people are going. I try to figure out their destination based on how they’re dressed and how many people are in the car.

Some are easy to figure out – a man or woman with a child in a car seat is often heading to a place where kids are welcome.

People in pick-up trucks with mud on the tires could be heading out to the farm or to the feed-and-seed store.

You could use your imagination and come up with all kinds of wonderful stories about where people are heading.

Another favorite driver to spot is the “Who’s the Biggest Idiot on the Road Today?” This game doesn’t last long because there’s so many idiots.

There’s the person checking their phone at the traffic light and doesn’t realize the light has turned green. When you lightly tap your horn to alert them, they act as if aliens are shining a spotlight on their car.

These idiots also turn left from the far right-hand lane or come to a complete stop in the middle of the road for no reason whatsoever.

Not only are they stupid, but they’re also often dangerous.

Then there’s the “My Little Darling” parent in the school drop-off line who, despite sitting in that line forever, will take their sweet time at the drop-off point.

They’ll brush their child’s hair or give one last hug and a kiss, bringing the entire process to a dead stop.

If you don’t have to wait in a school drop-off line anymore, this box can be checked off at the entrance to a store. There’s often somebody dropping somebody off, completely blocking traffic but not caring one bit.

Another box is “Who’s Most Likely to Cause A Wreck Today.” This is the person who decides to cut across four lanes of traffic on I-10, driving 70 miles an hour, to make the exit.

It’s also the person who never signals, runs red lights, is putting on make up or texting while driving. This box is an easy swap for the “Biggest Idiot” category – take your pick.

There’s the “Speed Demon” box. This is the person who comes roaring up on you, zips around your vehicle, almost clipping your fender, and then gets to the red light at the same time you do.

Doesn’t matter to Speed Demon. They rev their engine and take off like a jack rabbit as soon as the light changes only to find themselves fender to fender with you, the slow poke, at the next light.

They also drive at least 20 miles over the posted speed limit because, to them, speed limits apply to other drivers, not them.

There’s the “I’m Terrified” driver, the exact opposite of the Speed Demon.

This is the person who leaves at least two car lengths of space between themselves and every other car, even if they drive 20 miles below the speed limit to accomplish that goal.

They almost come to a stop when merging onto I-10 because nobody wants to let them in. They haven’t quite learned the Texas way of merging – speed up and bully your way into oncoming traffic.

No matter what categories you include in your car bingo game, remember the goal is to arrive at your destination in one piece.

But if you want to make the trip a bit more interesting, create a bingo card and have some fun while you’re maneuvering the always surprising Texas traffic.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.