When people take personality tests, they’re asked to rate their habits to see if they’re guardians, nurturers, performers or givers.

I took one this past weekend, and I scored on the easy-going side. Because I fibbed on a few of the answers, the test reflected what I wanted it to say — extroverted and non-judgmental.

Until I looked in the linen closet.

My husband put away the towels, and they weren’t folded in thirds. The shelf is narrow, and the towels fit better if they’re folded in thirds versus in half.

I refolded the towels and the washcloths – the folded edge needs to be facing outwards – and lined up the extra bars of soap.

After I was sure the linen closet was tidy, I went back in the kitchen and, while rearranging the spices in the cabinet, told my husband how I’d scored on the quiz. He hid behind the newspaper.

“Well, I’m not particular about things, “I said, sensing his reluctance to talk about my score on the test.

“Except for the toilet paper,” he replied.

I’ll give him that one.

When I was a teenager, there was a major news story about an imminent truckers strike. Newscasters were warning people to stock up on canned foods and paper items.

For some reason, it struck me that the Winn Dixie could be out of toilet paper for months.

I made my mother buy at least 20 rolls of Charmin, and my dad thought my fretting was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

So much, in fact, that he gave me a four-roll package of toilet paper for Christmas.

But that irrational fear has stuck with me. To this day, I always have at least 10 extra rolls of toilet tissue in the linen closet.

My husband cleared his throat again.

“And those pillows on the bed,” he said.

Well, of course, the pillows on the bed have to be lined up. If the smaller pillows are thrown on top of the bed in every which way, the bed looks messy and untidy.

“And don’t forget the pillows on the couch,” my husband added.

That’s not even being particular. Two pillows go on either end of the couch – coordinating patterns on either side, and the long pillow goes in the middle.

“Everybody’s picky about the couch pillows,” I said defensively.

“You’re right,” my husband said, a light touch of sarcasm in his voice. “You’re not at all particular about things, like for instance, folding the clothes.”

Okay, I will admit to having a particular way of folding clothes. First, they have to be folded within minutes of the dryer’s buzzer going off.

T-shirts are folded with the design facing up so that when I reach into the drawer, I can see exactly what’s on the front of the shirt before I pull it out.

And permanent press items must be hung up immediately after being removed from the dryer.

“If you don’t hang the shirts up right away, they’ll wrinkle,” I said, refolding the towels in the kitchen drawer.

My husband went back to reading the paper, asking if I was going to leave the dishes in the sink overnight since I wasn’t so particular.

“Are you kidding?” I said, looking at him as if he’d grown two heads. “And face that mess in the morning.”

Then it hit me.

I’m that curmudgeon who reads the newspaper from back to front, checks the clock radio every single night to make sure the volume’s at the right level for the morning alarm and separates the dinner forks from the salad forks in the kitchen drawer.

I’m the minus 10 on the personality quiz.

Tonight I’m going to live dangerously and leave the dishes in the sink, forget about rearranging the pillows on the couch and leave the clothes in the dryer overnight.

This deluded person – who fudges on a magazine personality quiz so she’s not in the bottom half of the answer sheet in the back of the magazine – just might break the mold and run with scissors, drink milk out of the carton and leave the top off the peanut butter jar over night.

Look out world. Change is a-comin.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.

Note the address for the McBride’s is 13330, not 1330. I need to proof my numbers better!! Thanks and please do support Kevin and Dana. They are truly angels on this earth.

When we talk about heroes, often a larger-than-life person comes to mind – the firefighter who dashes into a burning building to rescue a child or the solder who puts his or her life on the line in a war zone.

It’s easy to overlook heroes in our midst, those who are presented with an overwhelming obstacle and then rise to meet that challenge with dignity and grace. Such is the case with Kevin and Dana McBride.

I first met the McBrides almost 10 years ago after hearing about a penny drive at Austin Elementary entitled Chandler’s Tree Farm. My first thought was the students were collecting money to plant trees on the school property.

That assumption was wrong. The school was collecting pennies to benefit the children on the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at Texas Children’s Hospital.

One of the students, Chelsea McBride, had a toddler brother, Chandler, who’d gone through two bone marrow transplants, chemotherapy and radiation at Texas Children’s. The McBrides knew how difficult and lonely it was for families on the unit, especially during the holidays.

Back in 1998, Chelsea’s classmates, along with the entire school, collected enough money for the McBrides to purchase Christmas gifts for all the patients and their families who could not leave the hospital.

The McBrides loaded up a red wagon and, with 1-year-old Chandler riding in the back, the family delivered gifts to all the patients on the unit as well as brothers and sisters back home.

Chandler quietly passed away in the arms of his mother a year later, a heartbreaking end to a bright young life. The McBrides could have retreated into their own sorrow, become bitter and angry or blamed the world for their loss.

Instead, Dana and Kevin did what very few people could do – they decided to remember the families who were still on the unit, waiting for a miracle.

The first few years after Chandler passed away, Dana and Kevin visited the unit on major holidays – bringing patriotic baskets with goodies on the Fourth of July and candy and decorations on Easter and Mother’s Day.

Eventually, they decided to concentrate on Christmas, a happy time for most families but a painful one for those on the ward who are isolated from the rest of the world.

Throughout the year, the McBrides collect money so they can spread holiday cheer on the cancer ward, and this year is no different. Dana said after they get the patient wish list from the nurses, they go shopping, and their living room resembles a department store.

The gifts they purchase includes toiletries, cologne, toys and tokens for the parking garage. They choose gifts specifically for everyone in the family of the child isolated on the unit. The McBrides decorate a tree and put up holiday garland and lights in the lobby.

They load up a little red wagon and Santa takes Chandler’s place handing out the gifts. Dana and Kevin understand the fatigue, sorrow and helplessness those mothers and fathers feel watching their children undergo test after test and procedure after procedure.

This is the 11th year for Chandler’s Tree Farm, and 100 percent of all the funds collected go directly to the patients and their families. Your donation can help ensure the families on the ward know others care about them and haven’t forgotten them as they fight for their child’s life.

Donations can be mailed to Dana and Kevin McBride, 13330 Raintree Dr., Montgomery, Texas, 77356. For more information, email chandlerstreefarm@gmail.com or search for Chandler’s Tree Farm on Facebook.

There you’ll meet the McBrides and the nurses, family members and friends who’ve had their lives changed by parents who’ve endured the worst tragedy a parent can imagine but turned their grief and sorrow into a positive outreach to people in the midst of despair.

Yes, heroes dash into danger to help others. Some, like Dana and Kevin, load up a little red wagon with gifts and, in the name of their little boy, spread as much joy as they possibly can in a place where hope can often seem out of reach.

Want to know the definition of a true hero? Look at the people behind Chandler’s Tree Farm. There’s your answer.

This article was previously published in The Fort Bend Herald.

I had to bid farewell to a dear friend this week. This friend saw me through good times and sad times, celebrations and crying jags.

My dear friend did not judge or gossip behind my back. This friend was never too busy for me and listened when I needed to vent.

Chocolate, dear friend, I shall miss thee.

Over the years, I’ve noticed I’ve become more sensitive to foods and additives, especially caffeine.

Where I could once down a Coke at 10 p.m. and be fast asleep an hour later, now a cup of caffeinated coffee in the morning will have me wide awake at 1 a.m.

So a couple of years ago, I switched to all decaffeinated beverages. Although they quench my thirst, they’re still poor substitutes for an early morning caffeine zing.

I almost had to say good-bye to dairy foods. A few years ago, I noticed I had a tummy ache after drinking a glass of milk. Research indicated I might be lactose intolerant.

I’m intolerant about a lot of things – people who take up two parking spots, dogs left chained up in the back yard and drivers who text while driving – but good old-fashioned Vitamin D milk couldn’t be on the aggravation list.

So I decided to experiment. I filled a bowl with creamy Blue Bell milk chocolate ice cream, sat back and enjoyed every spoonful.

I had a cramping stomach ache for three days.

My sister-in-law told me about Lactaid. This magical pill, as it’s advertised on its Website, counteracts the effects of dairy products for people who react unpleasantly to milk, ice cream and cheese.

It took me two years to gather up the courage to fight that stomach ache again. But the lure of Blue Bell Triple Chocolate ice cream finally got to me, and I bought a box of the pills.

The manufacturer was right – it was magic, and I can now enjoy a bowl of ice cream without dreading the after effects.

Unfortunately, I might strike out when it comes to chocolate. Chocolate’s caffeine levels aren’t sky high, but they’re obviously enough to play havoc with my system, and that’s a sad state of affairs.

Chocolate, you see, has been my best friend since I was a young girl. My grandparents owned a five-and-dime store, and they had a candy counter near the front door.

The section was filled with all types of sweets – pink, yellow and white candy necklaces, licorice strips and bubble gum.

Those gummy candies were a distant second to the delicious, creamy taste of chocolate, and that love affair has sustained me for over 40 years.

And what a friend chocolate has been. It never asks me for money and doesn’t want to borrow my car. Those Hershey Kisses and Dove Milk Chocolate candies patiently waited for me in the back of my desk drawer until I reached for their help.

So after my last bout with insomnia, knowing full well chocolate was the culprit, it was with great reluctance I cleared out my secret stash of chocolate.

With tears in my eyes, I now walk past the candy counter at the grocery store, my old friends, Mars and Cadbury, wistfully calling my name as I reach for the spearmint Tic Tacs.

I’ve had quite a few satisfying relationships in my life, all with people, but the relationship I’ve had with chocolate stands tall and firm in its own right.

I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for a “live with chocolate” pill so my stalwart buddies, Nestle and Hershey, can take their rightful place in my desk drawer.

Goodbye, dear friend.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.

“Everwood” was one of my favorite television shows in the early 2000’s. On one of the early episodes, the character of Ephram gave a speech about his tragic flaw — his inability to change. I’ve always liked it and decided to share it here for no other reason than the excerpt is poignant writing, probably from show creator Greg Berlanti, and writing that tugs at the heart is always a joy to read again and share.

From “Everwood” – penned by Ephram Brown, a teen-age character on the show:

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who the first person was to say that – maybe it was William Shakespeare or perhaps Sting – but at the moment, it’s the line that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. The more I get to know people, the more I realize it’s everyone’s flaw.

Staying exactly the same for as long as possible and standing perfectly still feels better, or at least the pain is familiar if you’re suffering.

If you took that leap of faith, one outside the box, if you did something unexpected, who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. It could be worse pain, so we maintain the status quo and stay on the road always traveled.

It doesn’t seem so bad – not as bad as flaws go. You’re not a drug addict; you’re not killing anybody, except yourself a little. But when we finally do change, it doesn’t happen like an earthquake or an explosion or, all of a sudden, we’re a different person.

I think it’s smaller, the kind of thing people wouldn’t even notice unless they looked really close which, thank God, they never do.

But you notice it.

Inside, it feels like a world of difference. You finally become the person you’re meant to be forever, and you hope you’ll never have to change again.

The news came via email from my aunt last week – a fire had completely destroyed the church in Olean, N.Y., the town where she lives, my mom was married in and I was baptized in.

St. Joseph’s Maronite Catholic Church was over 100 years old and was the central gathering place for my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents.

The case is still under investigation, but foul play is not suspected. Perhaps old wiring, maybe a spark in the attic – no one knows exactly what started the blaze, but a church where thousands of weddings, baptisms, funerals and daily Masses were celebrated and observed is now a pile of rubble.

The horrendous fires currently raging across Texas drove home the point of what happens when fire roars through a city, town or a building.

Everything’s either burned beyond recognition or damaged by smoke and water used to put out the flames. All that’s left are cinders and memories.

I can still remember attending Mass at St. Joe’s as a young girl – the church always had a lingering, faint scent of lemon furniture polish and incense. The same people sat in the same pews week after week, and bingo was a staple on Saturday nights.

My parents were married at St. Joe’s, and the picture of my dad kissing my mom on the church steps is one of my favorites.

Three of their children received their first Holy Communion at St. Joe’s, and I always loved stopping in for a quick prayer whenever we went back to Olean in the summers.

It seemed I’d no sooner read the news about St. Joe’s than I heard about the Texas wildfires thundering across the state.

Tracking the fires online and reading posts on Facebook, the fires weren’t a distant threat – they were within 200 miles of our home. With the strong winds we had this weekend, the wildfires quickly grew and seemed to pop up all over the place.

Sunday afternoon, my husband and I were out on country roads, and we drove past parched meadows and pastures. People were outside, tending to their horses, watering trees whose leaves were withered and sparse or simply standing outside, watching distant smoke from the fires slowly drift their way.

Skies that were blue slowly but surely turned gray, and bits of ash landed on my shirt when we stopped. The smell of those fires was in the air, and we knew people’s lives were being decimated minute by minute.

So many people lost their homes and all their belongings in fires that seem impossible to believe, especially in a state where hurricanes, flooding and tornadoes are Mother Nature’s wrath, not out-of-control wildfires.

Later that evening, I watched a video from the fire back in Olean, and one lady put her parish’s disaster in perspective. She said the fire destroyed a building, yet she felt blessed. No one lost their life in the fire.

She was holding a brick from the old church and said anyone wishing to buy a salvaged brick could do so. All the money would go toward rebuilding St. Joe’s.

For the people affected by floods or fires, nothing can bring back their treasured heirlooms and irreplaceable photos and belongings.

But when the time comes to rebuild, I want to keep in mind what that parishioner said – rebuilding is one brick at a time.

And that’s what the resilient people in Olean will do as well as the people in Texas affected by fire. They will rebuild one brick, one cabinet and one crucifix at a time.

A home, as they say, is where the heart is and nothing can destroy that dwelling place.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.

While chatting with my friend, Pat, she said her son was invited to a wedding shower for couples. Mark, a bachelor, wasn’t quite sure what to make of the party as he’d never been to a that type of shindig before.

Gentlemen, welcome to a brave new world – the wedding shower.

In the past, wedding showers were considered a woman’s domain. But what men don’t realize is that before anybody walks through the front door carrying an ice bucket wrapped in silver and white paper, there’s quite a bit of behind-the-scenes planning happening.

First, there’s the invitations. Traditional bridal shower invites are usually printed on embossed paper, a delicate tissue paper sleeve protecting the print, and sent through the U.S. Postal service.

Today’s groom believes texting the invite is more efficient and, because it’s free, allows more money for beer and pretzels.

And speaking of snacks, they’re as important as the invitations. I remember watching my mom make sandwiches for bridal showers she hosted.

A week before the shower, Mom ordered colored bread from the local bakery. On the day of the shower, quite a bit of time was spent slicing cucumbers for the filling and then artfully arranging those tiny blue triangles on a silver tray.

To this day, I cannot figure out why anyone would think a slice of cucumber between two slices of blue bread could be considered a sandwich.

But now that men are attending showers, I guarantee there will be barbecue and bratwurst alongside those frilly sandwiches.

Then there’s the drinks. Old-fashioned wedding showers required the hostess to come up with some type of sparkling punch served in an oversized glass punch bowl, usually borrowed from a great-great aunt.

The punch mixture was either a container of lemonade mixed with a bottle of 7-Up with sliced lemons floating around the top or a half gallon of orange sherbet covered with 7-Up to create a frothing cloud.

With the couples shower, I’m betting part of the beverage list includes “get your own” sodas in the fridge and a battered Igloo filled with adult beverages on the patio.

No bridal shower is complete without the games. My friend’s son loves games, but hopefully we’ve moved away from the traditional games nobody likes but everybody plays because it’s expected.

There’s the written game where participants have to unscramble letters to make words all pertaining to a wedding. For some reason, “expensive” and ” budget” are never on the word list.

And then there’s the game where participants write down advice for the bride-to-be. They’re usually lofty ideals, never practical advice like, never ask “does this make me feel fat” or “does this lasagna taste as good as your mother’s?”

Wait until the guys find out that if you win the game, you give your prize to the bride to be. I found out about this traditional act of generosity the hard way.

At one of the first bridal showers I ever attended, I won a game. The hostess handed me a set of pretty kitchen towels, and I thought those would come in handy in my dorm room.

I was feeling pretty good about my win until the girl next to me – a seasoned shower attendee – leaned over and whispered “You have to give it to the bride.”

Sure enough, the hostess was standing next to me, a forced smile on her face. So I reluctantly handed her the towels and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Something tells me if there are games at a couples shower, the men will keep the prizes, high five each other and then spend the rest of the afternoon gloating about their win.

I’m betting gifts given at a couples shower are fun. Let’s face it – a new drill is a lot more fun than a chafing dish. In fact, I’ll bet brides think a new drill is more fun than a chafing dish, even if a silver serving tray comes with it.

So gentlemen, RSVP to that invitation, come on in and let the games begin.
 
This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.