Keepin’ it real in 2020

Most of us remember standing in the school nurse’s office, trying to read the eye chart. There was a giant “E” at the top, and we did our best to identify as many letters as possible.

Our hopes – having 20/20 perfect vision.

Today is the second day of the year 2020, the start of a new decade, the beginning of a year where we hope we get the 20/20 perfect diagnosis. New research, though, states that 20/20 isn’t really perfect vision, but most of us equate 20/20 with the ideal number at the optometrist’s office.

The internet is filled with prophecies about what’s going to make 2020 perfect. I read these websites with a grain of salt – we all remember when kale was going to be the miracle food.

Didn’t happen.

But it’s still fun to see what’s supposed to be the perfect trends for 2020, even if some of them are impractical.

According to Yahoo, online security continues to be a problem, and our cell phones will be the biggest target for phishing scams. These attacks come from hackers with nothing better to do than try and fleece you out of money.

Those of us who saw “The Sting” with Paul Newman know swindlers are nothing new, and there’s an easy mark born every minute.

People are still trying to decide between fake news and real news. The only way to do so is to follow the source of the story and do your own research. If the piece leans too far to the left or right, it’s fake.

If the headline screams “UFOs are landing now,” it’s fake. If the story contains facts from an unnamed source, it’s fake. If it’s on NPR, prepare to feel bad about breathing. If it’s from FOX, you know what side of the fence the reporter is on.

There’s always a lot of predictions about hot food trends for the coming year. We’ve seen tofu hailed as the next best thing only to fade from people’s memory within weeks.

Cauliflower pizza is supposed to be the hot item, but let’s be real – most people don’t like cauliflower.

The thought of trading a freshly baked flour-based pizza crust for a vegetable crust is sacrilegious unless one is gluten intolerant.

They also predict Korean cuisine will be the next hot food trend. Whether this is a way to pacify Korea and show them we want to play nice is anybody’s guess. Korean food is pretty good. My son and I had a great meal at a small Korean restaurant when I visited Taiwan.

There was a small barbecue pit sunk on one end of the table, and the server brought us raw beef, chicken and shrimp to cook to our preferences over the grill.

Of course, there’s no way barbecue I have to cook myself can ever compete with spicy Texas barbecue, enchiladas swimming in cheese or thick Louisiana crawfish etouffee.

Tall pancakes are supposed to be a hot ticket in 2020. Those look pretty in the pictures, but tall stacks of pancakes aren’t practical.

Tall pancake stacks fall over and there’s no way to cut into them without making a mess. Stick with the saucer-sized ones – stacked two high – and forget the trend.

According to Market Watch, the Impossible Burger at Burger King is available at over 7,000 franchise sites.

If I’m getting a burger, I want beef, tomatoes, lettuce, tomatoes, mayonnaise, a generous slab of cheese and dozens of pickles.

At least until I get that report back from the doctor with my updated cholesterol count.

I’m not even going to describe what Architectural Digest believes will be a top trend in furniture.

The day I put a plastic lawn chair in my living room with fake pink fur at the feet, brown velveteen for the seat and arm rests made out of puke-green metal is the day I put plastic wrap on our couches and plastic rug runners on the floor.

In this house, coziness wins out over fashion.

Our brown La-Z-Boy couches are broken in and comfortable, our end tables have survived two generations and I don’t care if the grandkids turn the kitchen table into a blanket fort.

My outlook for 2020 is to keep my sights on what I can see, to keep trying to read that bottom line and to know that 20/20 is good enough.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald. 

 

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