I was walking through a box store and noticed all the Christmas merchandise was marked down to 60 percent off. Right across from the remnant tinsel and ornaments were racks filled with bathing suits.
The temperature is still in the 40s and we’re looking at bathing suits?
I shouldn’t be surprised at how holidays are on super-sonic speed in the stores. Clerks are rolling in dollies on Dec. 26 and replacing bows and tinsel with Valentine candy and hearts.
Managers will say it’s because people want to get started on their holiday decorating projects. I can understand needlepoint kits to make stockings for the family – not that I have any idea how to even begin making one of those – but most of the offerings are just to take your money.
Do we really need a dancing Santa, 15 holiday pillows or a Frosty the Snowman cookie jar? And the prices they charge for holiday items is highway robbery.
I found a Thomas Kinkade village centerpiece for $149.99 with an additional $20 for shipping and handling. I paid that much for a living room chair.
My friend claims centerpieces take up space on the kitchen table where he can spread out his newspaper in the morning. Ever since I almost caught my sleeve on fire at a friend’s house while reaching over her centerpiece, I’ve sworn off having anything higher than a bowl of artificial fruit on our table.
But still the list of new trinkets and decorations grows each and every year. Walk into any store a month before a major holiday, and you’d be amazed at the decorations you never dreamed you need to have.
The Fourth of July requires a red, white and blue tablecloth, matching napkins, napkin holders, red and blue plastic cups and plates and centerpieces made out of stainless steel pails with American flags stuck in the middle.
Doesn’t matter that most of us have hot dogs, chips and watermelon — foods that never even touch a plate — for our Independence Day picnics.
No matter what the season, if you think the holidays are being rushed, you’re right. Christmas shopping starts right after the Fourth of July firework stands roll out of town, and St. Patrick’s Day shamrocks appear on the shelves the evening of Feb. 14.
It’s only two weeks past New Year’s Eve, but the shelves are already crowded with pink heart-shaped boxes and artificial roses. We’re drooling over boxes of chocolate-covered cherries and pecan clusters.
As we do most things, we’ve moved past the little box of chocolates. Now you’re encouraged to order a 36-ounce Whitman’s giant sampler for only $30.
But it’s not just your honey who deserves that Whitman’s box. No, we’re horrible people if we’re not buying a box of chocolates for our mother, father, daughter, son, cousin, mail carrier, the person who cleans the offices where you work and even the dog.
Yes the dog.
You can order a “Love and Kisses” Valentine gift box for your dog for just $9.95 filled with organic cookies for Scamp.
But what about Whiskers?
Fret no more. You can get a gift basket for your cat, filled with treats and a fun toy, for just $20.
That’s before shipping and handling.
And this for an animal that’ll roll around in anything dead and a feline that spends most of its time licking the kitchen floor.
But as someone who abhors the cold weather and loves the heat, I’ll admit to being a little happy seeing those beach towels and bathing suits in the stores.
If I can just walk past those chocolates…
This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.