As a young parent, I wanted to make sure my boys had all the educational opportunities I could find.

We read books, visited the library and had conversations to increase their vocabulary.

Although, looking back, I’m not sure what “stop that,” “who did this” and “I said so” did much to improve their word banks.

There were toys the experts said would help children develop intellectually. Perhaps those gifts did increase their brain power, although it was hard to detect as I walked over dirty clothes and discarded bath towels strewn from the bathroom to their room.

While some were great, there are some that are the worst:

Toy Musical Instruments. These are at the top of the list. Your child might whine for a toy drum, and you could think for a nano second that an instrument could wake up their inner Mozart.

Resist at all costs to your hearing and sanity.

Play-Doh. Play-Doh will stimulate a child’s imagination. They can build anything they want out of this dough that’s safe for children.

Unless, of course, they eat the whole can of dough, thinking because it’s pink it must taste good.

Play-Doh is virtually impossible to remove from your carpet and clothes. This is especially true if the stuck-on Play-Doh makes it to the laundry pile. Play-Doh is sneaky and shares its dye with everything in the dryer.

Legos. These are so much fun for kids, but when you step on one in the middle of the night, you will scream in pain. The same goes for Matchbox cars. So much fun, but not for your bare feet.

Wooden blocks. These are advertised as incredible for a child’s imagination. Not only will they learn different shapes, but they can also build entire cities.

In reality, your child will dump the entire box of blocks on the floor, use them as weapons and then leave the three thousand blocks on the floor for you to pick up because their “city” was demolished by an earthquake.

A 2-year-old earthquake.

Tea sets. Most children love tea parties. But a pretend tea party requires liquid for those little cups.

You’ll watch your child fill every single cup and teapot with water for the party. They will then spill every cup all over the bathroom sink that will trickle down over your wooden cabinets, into the floor and carpet.

Markers and crayons. These are wonderful in helping children create what’s in their imagination. Sometimes those dreams make their way to paper, but most of the time, those artists draw on the walls and themselves.

There are washable markers, but they always leave a trace on shirts. And for walls, washable means most of the paint is coming off along with the fire-engine red color.

Kids also like to try and eat the crayons and color their faces and tongues with the markers. It’s lovely to ask your child to stick out their tongue and find they decided purple was a much better color to have in their mouth.

Make-up. Manufacturers sell play make-up, but they’re just as destructive. Lipstick ends up all over their face, not just the lips. As a bonus, they’ll write on the walls, mirrors and their siblings with the darkest shade of lipstick you own.

Children also think lipstick tastes good. It doesn’t, but they’ll try it anyway. Eyeshadow doubles as blush – all over their face – and liquid make up works best as paint on the wall.

Before you buy a supposed toy for the kids or grandkids, give a thought as to what your child sees in that item versus what you see.

You see something to stimulate their imaginations. They see something they can smear all over everything in the house and themselves.

Read them a book instead. At least you can put that back on the shelf with little chance of a two-foot-tall tornado rolling through your house.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.