On the last day of the year, I make a list of resolutions. Some years, they’ve been lofty goals. Other years, my resolutions are simple, easy-to-accomplish promises.

This year, I didn’t do either one.

I considered plenty of promises – exercise, lose weight, be kind to others, vacuum more than once a month. Those resolutions have been on my list for years. Obviously, those won’t be accomplishments in 2023 either.

One year, I tried using positive affirmations instead of resolutions.

First on that list was “eat healthy.” According to some wellness plans, eating a balanced diet is considered healthy. I managed to balance the salad on my plate with a slab of meatloaf and a mountain of mashed potatoes.

I doubt that’s what those doctors had in mind.

There’s the self-serving resolutions we all make. Clean out closets, alphabetize our favorite recipes. These don’t work for me because those kinds of resolutions fall under one category – work.

Of all the fake promises I make to myself, camouflaging cleaning out the closet as a goal is like taking everything out of the closet in one room and storing that clutter in another closet. In other words – work.

Maybe the trick is to continue doing what I do but do them a little bit better. Cooking comes to mind.

Defrosting a six-month-old dinner and serving it canned corn isn’t exactly gourmet dining.

There’s exercising. Maybe instead of telling myself walking up one flight of stairs is a strenuous workout, I could actually put on some music and dance for 15 minutes. Then again, that sounds like fun, so maybe it wouldn’t necessarily count as a resolution.

I considered organizing my office, but I did that a few months ago. When I went to look for a leg massager my son gave me, I couldn’t find it. When that massager was sitting under my desk gathering dust, I knew exactly where it was.

Same goes for the extra tape I bought months ago. When the boxes were sitting on top of a stack of folders on the bottom shelf of my closet, I knew exactly where they were. I organized that closet – last year’s resolution – and now the boxes have disappeared.

I’d like to make a resolution to be less sensitive. If I text or call someone and don’t hear back from them in a couple of days, I figure they’re angry with me or “ghosting” me.

They’re probably busy, have other things to do than listen to my inane and pointless ramblings or they really are ghosting me because their New Year’s resolution is to get rid of people in their contact list who are a drain, not a positive.

Ouch, that one hurt.

There’s always an urge to get rid of all the junk food in the house, but my thrifty self just can’t see throwing out perfectly good Hostess Twinkies and Oreo cookies to stifle my snacking.

Truth is, I’ll just go out and buy more.

I thought about making a resolution to stop sifting through dumb YouTube videos. Those entertaining videos offer a benefit to me.

When I can’t sleep, watching 30 minutes of power washing videos makes me sleepy. Organizing videos tire me out, and the guy restoring paintings inch by inch is a sure-fire insomnia cure.

Now I have the answer. No resolutions this year except keep rationalizing away all the reasons why I don’t have resolutions.

That’s a goal I can accomplish.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.