When we were kids, this was one of our favorite taunts: “you’re not the boss of me.”

As the eldest, I could claim superiority. But these days, I’m not in charge of anything or anybody, least of all myself.

That’s because so many things are now the boss of me, even in my own house.

When our boys were babies, they definitely ran the show. The baby cried, I got up no matter if it was 2 a.m. or 2 p.m.

He wanted to eat, I fed him. Diaper wet and they were miserable? They cried, I obeyed.

It was easier to be the boss when they were toddlers. Some days, though, they wore me down and I gave in. That’s when they realized an incredible truth – she can be conquered.

Our dog bosses me around, and she can’t even talk.

Whenever she wants to go outside, she stands at the back door until I let her out. If I don’t respond quickly enough, she barks until I get up to do as she commands.

She does the same to come back in. She stands at the door. She barks, I obey.

There’s lots of bosses in my kitchen. The microwave will ding without stopping until I open the door. The air fryer uses the same command except the tone’s a little friendlier.

If I open the dishwasher door before the cycle is finished, an alarm beeps until I reset the machine.

The first time the dishwasher chimed, it took me over an hour to run down the sound. Now I know better than to interrupt the machine before the cycle’s finished.

Our refrigerator also dings if I leave the door open too long. Let’s face it – sometimes you have to leave the door open when a snack attack hits and you’re rummaging round for something to eat.

The refrigerator, however, shows no mercy. It will ding and beep until I close the door.

Our dryer is probably the loudest boss in the house. The beep that machine puts out can be heard in the back bedroom. It’s also the easiest boss to ignore – the dryer gives up after beeping three times.

Even though my cell phone is relentless with its bells and beeps, at least I can silence it. Then again, if I ignore a phone call or text message, the prompt stays on the phone until I clear the app out.

The newest boss is my car. It’s equipped with all the latest safety features, and they look appealing on the website.

These features include a post-collision safety system, adaptive cruise control and lane tracing assistance as part of the basic package.

These are quite helpful, except when they actually kick into action. If I get too close to the white line on either side of the vehicle, the car beeps until I move over.

It does the same when I attempt to back up. I actually don’t mind this safety feature.

I wish I’d had it a few years ago when I backed out of a parking spot without seeing a car behind me and ended up with a dented back fender.

There’s one silent boss on my car that’s quite useful – the icon that shows up on the driver’s side mirror to let me know another vehicle is in my blind spot. I still find myself looking over my shoulder – old habits are hard to break.

There have to be some places, some appliances, something in my life where I rule the roost.

When I think of one of them, I’ll let you know.

That is, if they let me.

 

  This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.