At my age, there are lots of things I wish. That I could read without glasses, the pants in my closet would still fit and I could walk up a flight of stairs and not feel like I was on fire by the time I got to the next floor.

More than anything, I wish I could tell new moms and dads what makes a good parent. The answer is – I don’t know.

Books and the internet are filled with advice, most of which sound great in theory but aren’t practical in real life.

Be patient, they recommend. That’s all fine and good until you realize children have no sense of time or urgency and you’re running late.

You can be hurrying out the door, and they think nothing of stopping to watch ants crawl by on the sidewalk.

Be fair, they recommend. That is impossible if you have more than one child. One of them will always think they’re getting cheated.

My neighbor’s two daughters were arguing over a stick – yes a stick – and each one claimed the stick belonged to them.

My neighbor had a solution – he broke the stick in half so each one would have a stick. One child was content, but the other sobbed because she had a broken stick.

Be calm, they recommend. Parents can usually keep their cool. However, when your toddler is running down the driveway as fast as they can, using a calm voice does not work.

Be wise, they recommend. That’s easy when they’re young. Be kind, eat your veggies, and brush your teeth.

Giving wise advice to teenagers is tough. The advice our parents and grandparents dispensed still applies – don’t talk to strangers and save money.

But today’s parents have to know what to say when a teenager is visiting online sites they’re not supposed to see and to not trust anyone because they could be a predator.

Be firm, experts recommend. But different situations and personalities call for different parenting techniques.

Some children are instantly sorry if they hit their brother or sister and will apologize. Others would rather rot in their rooms before admitting they did anything wrong.

Be encouraging, they recommend. That’s easy when your child wants to be a doctor when they grow up. When their life’s ambition is to live off the land in Alaska, encouragement is a little harder to whip up.

Roll with the punches. My nephew once held three adults at bay with the kitchen faucet sprayer.

He was standing on a chair at the sink and had the water on full force. Whenever we’d try to come close, he’d let us have it with the sprayer.

Not only were we sopping wet, so was the kitchen floor and the cabinets.

By the time we got close enough to grab the hose, we were all laughing.

You can’t be too loving, most experts say. I agree but I’d add a cautionary note – sometimes love means doing the hard thing.

Maybe that’s the definition of good parenting – doing the hard thing. Taking away privileges when they don’t live up to promises. Turning off the computer or television when it’s easy to let electronics occupy them.

Loving them when they’re throwing a tantrum, yelling that they can’t stand you or choosing to spend time with friends instead of you.

Out of all the recommendations given, the only trait I believe works year after year is keeping a sense of humor.

Even when your child tries to flush a big candle down the toilet.

Even when your child leaves his Legos on the carpet and you step on them in the middle of the night.

And, yes, even when your child is spraying you and the entire kitchen with the water hose at the sink.

Smile and remember… they’ll be grown and gone way too soon.

Enjoy the chaos while you can.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.