First thing in the morning, I’m scanning headlines, checking for news from Ukraine as well as Taiwan where my eldest son lives. As a long-time newspaper reader and writer, I know headlines can often be deceiving, especially on the internet.

A headline has to capture the skimmer’s interest in seconds. There’s a few buzzwords online writers use, and all of them remind me of a carnival barker, standing outside the big top, urging people to “step right in, step right in!”

There’s a science behind writing effective headlines, and every word is analyzed to see whether it causes anxiety, anger, surprise, shock or makes you believe your life isn’t complete unless you read their article.

Some of the most common ones I see are “shoppers adore this” and “hottest deals.”  Those aren’t anything new in the advertising vocabulary book, but I have to wonder about shoppers adoring a foot callus remover.

Writers also use the phrase “cult-favorites” when they want your attention. If that’s true, then I guess I’m in the cults for people who love inexpensive mascara, sensible shoes and two-ply toilet paper.

Then there’s the headlines for when you need a bit of a pick-me-up. Look for the three R’s of online advertising:  “revamp,” “renew” and “rejuvenate.”

You won’t believe how many things in your home, car and body you can rejuvenate. I’ve seen online articles about revamping your pantry, renewing the grout in your shower and rejuvenating your double chin – all for under $49.95.

The fashion industry really wants to hook you with their headlines. Movie stars don’t just wear an evening gown to a gala event. They’re “glammed up” and people are doing “double takes.”

When an entertainer spends literally eight hours getting ready for the red carpet, I’d put that in a glamming-up category. The last time I spent eight hours getting ready for something I ended up with an 8-pound baby.

One of the latest phrases is “blew up on Tik-Tok.” I’ve watched a few Tik Tok videos, and if lip-synching songs and mouthing the words to stand-up comedy is blowing up Tik-Tok, I’ll stick to watching Barney Fife videos on YouTube.

Then there’s the “got-cha” articles. I find myself wondering why I need to put a bread clip in my wallet before traveling. I wonder the same thing about why someone would put a red plastic cup under the toilet lid or why they put their suitcases in the bathtub when they check into a hotel.

Then there’s the sentimental headlines. These usually start out with “sadly…” and if you read the article, the story is depressing but has nothing to do with the picture or headline.

Usually they’ll use a picture from a popular television show with a headline of here’s what’s getting cancelled this year. I found out the deception when a picture from one of my favorite shows was featured with that headline. Buried in the story was that popular shows, like my favorite, weren’t getting cancelled. But who’s going to click on an article with a picture from the worst television show.

Then there’s the ad for some gadget or tool that will “change your life.” Unless this gadget will put the kitchen chairs on the table, sweep and mop the floor and put everything back, it’s not going to change my life.

My wallet, maybe, but not my life.

From now on, whenever I scan the headlines, I’ll try and use my brain instead of my emotions.

And I’ll do my best to ignore that flashy carnival barker on my laptop telling me to “step right in, step right in.”

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.