I particularly dislike – okay hate – call routing. That’s the official name for when someone calls a phone number and an automated system sends callers to the right extension.

In theory, it’s supposed to save time.

In theory, it’s supposed to be more efficient.

In reality, call routing is frustrating for the customer and a waste of positive customer relations for the company.

Recently, I needed to make a dental appointment. Our former dentist sold his practice, so I was looking around for someone new closer to home.

A friend recommended her dentist. I called the number and got this familiar message:  “Please listen carefully as many of our options have changed.”

I’ve never understood this warning.

Few people memorize call options. This office has already wasted time with options I never realized I had.

Usually one of the “press this number” options is where I want to go. In the dental office, making an appointment was one of the last choices after I heard about all the services this dental office provides.

Pressing the number for appointments gave me the lovely opportunity to choose again from a new set of choices. I kept pressing zero until the system decided I was probably an idiot and passed me on to a real person who scheduled my appointment.

I’ve gotten so frustrated with call routing that when I have the option to say something, I yell all kinds of names to get a real person – “manager, operator, human!”

If that doesn’t work, I press zero repeatedly, hoping the system will malfunction and connect me with a human.

Sometimes this works.

But the caller never wins because that human says they’ll connect me with someone who call help me. You guessed it – I’m back in the call routing line.

The call routing people are crafty. Not only are you stuck on hold, they make you listen to advertisements for their company.

“If you’re interested in our low-interest credit card, stay on the line…”

“If you’d like to speak to an associate about trade-ins, stay on the line…”

“If you’d like to speak to a real person, you’re out of luck. That’s not one of our options.”

Last week, I called a doctor’s office for my mom. These people took the prize for the most convoluted call routing I’ve ever experienced.

First I had to choose if I wanted to talk to a doctor, wanted information about their new procedure – that was a 30-second sales talk – or billing. If I was experiencing a medical emergency, I was supposed to call 911.

I wondered how many people call the doctor’s office while they’re having a heart attack and stay on the line, waiting for the right number to press.

For heart patients, dial two. For test results, press three. For the cardiology lab, press four. Doctors should press six, and pharmacies seven. There wasn’t an option for appointments, so I listened again.

I tried to sneak through and pressed six. That took me back to the main menu.

I guess the call routing geniuses figured out a real doctor would have a secret number to call and not get stuck in the call routing line.

Hanging up, I called back and didn’t press any buttons, hoping the system would connect me with a real person.

That resulted in getting me disconnected.

By the time I got through the call routing routine and a no-nonsense switchboard operator came on the line, it was 4:01 p.m. She said the doctor’s office closed at 4 p.m. and to call back tomorrow. My frustration level was off the chart at that point.

Not all phone calls are best handled by a computer or machine. Sometimes, that gold ole human touch is what’s best for business.

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.