Achieving the “gotcha” moment seems to be the new level of success.
From presidential and vice-presidential debates to the highest courts in the land, setting a trap for someone and springing it is what now serves as entertainment.
This week, I’m listening to the senate hearings for Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett. If a senator isn’t showboating for him or herself, they’re grandstanding for their party.
They also spend a lot of their allotted time complaining about everything from voter suppression to Covid-19 precautions.
When they do ask a question, it’s not to get information. It’s to score points for their party and to try and nail Judge Barrett.
The search to find the best judge to sit on the highest court in America shouldn’t come down to party lines. The search should involve asking potential appointees tough, relevant questions about their qualifications and how they view the Supreme Court’s role in America.
But that doesn’t make senators look important.
That doesn’t allow them to score “gotcha” points.
That doesn’t allow them to bully and trip up whoever’s sitting on the hot seat.
Getting the facts apparently doesn’t get good ratings, and these hearings are being broadcast live on television, radio and social media.
The Rise of Karens
It’s not just politicians who are taking advantage of a television camera.
Look the popularity of “Karen” videos on the internet. One video of women acting badly has over 2.1 million viewers. That’s over 2 million people who want to see someone acting poorly and getting slapped down.
I never seem to have witty words instantly come out of my mouth like in the movies, and I’m usually so flabbergasted I don’t even think about getting my phone out.
Instead, I bolt up in bed in the middle of the night, slap myself on the forehead and mutter “I should’ve said that.”
We’re not stopping to consider how these women got to the point where they’re almost incoherent and in a rage. They probably believe they’re retaliating in the only way they know how. The best way comes courtesy of Christian Cooper, an expert bird watcher in New York City. He was confronted by an out-of-control white woman who called the police and said an African-American man was threatening her and her dog.
For her “Karen” attitude, she was fired from her job and ridiculed on social media. Mr. Cooper refused to press charges, saying Ms. Cooper had been punished enough and she apologized for her rude and offensive behavior.
He’s one of the few people to refuse grabbing for the gotcha moment. Instead, he turned to compassion and understanding.
We don’t have to be a Karen to remember how to handle a situation where we want to blow up. My former neighbor, Helen, had a distinct flair for knowing how to act dignified in any situation.
She had a fabulous wardrobe, but my favorite item in her closet was a dark purple cape. Not a cape like a superhero would wear, but a fashionable shawl she wore to stay warm in restaurants.
Helen went to visit her husband at his office, and the two had a disagreement. She described what happened.
“When I’d said my piece,” she told me, “I stood up, took another puff off my cigarette, rubbed it out in the ashtray and stood up.”
And then the crowning moment.
“I looked at him straight in the eye and said ‘Don’t come home until you have a better attitude.’ I took my cape and flipped it over my shoulder. And then I walked out of his office without looking back.”
All I could do was look at her with my mouth open. Helen didn’t call her husband names. She didn’t throw anything at him or belittle him. She stood up for herself in a dignified way.
They made up that evening, but, as far as I knew, he never picked a fight with her in his office again.
“Gotcha” might get a lot of likes on YouTube and raise the ratings on a news program. But nothing will ever take the place of common courtesy and positive assertiveness.
And walking away with your head held high and a cape tossed over your shoulder.
This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.