We got some skills.
That’s what I believe most teenagers are thinking when confronted with an adult who starts every sentence with “Back when I was your age…”
Most of us who sing the entire theme song to “Gilligan’s Island and “The Beverly Hillbillies” believe we have the upper hand with these youngsters.
We got some skills too. We can drive a stick shift, we know how to change the oil in our cars and we know how to use a rotary phone.
But today’s teens have skills we will never master.
They can read what’s on their cell phone while walking down the street, all the while avoiding potholes, little dogs and other people.
When I walk through the mall, I bump into other people every 10 steps and I’m not even looking at a cell phone screen.
Not today’s teens. They have a sixth sense about who’s around them even when they don’t seem to be paying attention.
They can text blindfolded. I’ve seen teenagers put their hands in the front pocket of their hoodie and text someone nonstop while looking me in the eye and without once looking at the front of the cell phone.
I’m still trying to master text messaging. When I try and hit the comma, most of the time I accidentally hit the GIF button and all kinds of stupid emojis pop up on the screen.
I don’t have a clue how to use an emoji in a text message. That’s not a skill most of the people my age have mastered.
These teens find dozens of new artists within days of their releasing a song on the Internet. Back in the day – yes, cue the “Old Geezer” music – we had to wait for Dick Clark to play the song on “American Bandstand” and see what score the teen judges gave the tune.
We’d wait patiently for new artists to find their way on Kasey Kasem’s “America’s Top 40” radio program and hope the ones we liked inched their way from #39 to #1.
The internet, most notably Instagram and Snapchat, make instant stars out of the most obscure musicians who have some incredible music. And, let’s face it, those of us who loved the Dave Clark Five are still trying to figure out the difference between Instagram and Snapchat.
Today’s teens do not know how to use the card catalog at the library. They haven’t a clue what an encyclopedia is and if we mention the word “Childcraft” to them, they think it’s a new installment in the Harry Potter series.
But they can find information, cross check it, watch a video about the event and see pictures in minutes.
They don’t need to memorize history – it’s at their fingertips, and they can be up to date on everything from Franklin D. Roosevelt to Donald Trump faster than we can say Dewey Decimal System.
Young people can order dinner from their phone, have their meal delivered to wherever they’re standing and then pay for it with a credit card on their phone. If we were hungry, we scrounged around in the pantry for some stale Wonder Bread, jelly and peanut butter.
To have the ability and the skill to order Chinese food, a pizza or a Santa Fe salad and have it in your hands in less than an hour is something we might’ve seen on “The Twilight Zone.”
So before we bash this young generation, let’s give them some snaps for having some pretty incredible skills.
Because back when I was their age… never mind.
This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.