My sons will be the first to tell you – I’m a nag. Not your ordinary mother who nags you about picking up your clothes, doing your homework or eating your vegetables.

I’m a superstar nagger.

My eldest son lives 8,000 miles away in the Philippines, but I nag him about calling more often and against getting any more tattoos.

Our middle son doesn’t take to nagging but I’ll gently remind him about the importance of yearly dental appointments and to call or text me once a month so I know he’s okay.

The youngest one gets the full brunt of my nagging, especially when he’s hundreds of miles away and living as cheaply as possible. I nag him about what he’s eating, where he’s washing his clothes, if he’s saving money – the list is endless.

I even nag our dog.

Whenever I hear someone nagging someone else, I feel comforted, knowing another do-gooder is also trying to straighten out someone else’s life with regular and non-stop life-improvement reminders.

Last week, I heard nagging from the last place on earth I ever thought I’d hear it – a rental car.

We were on a trip down the coast of South Carolina visiting the places author Pat Conroy described in his books.

I had a list of the different islands and towns he wrote about, and I was determined to check them off the bucket list.

We were on a long stretch of highway, and a message flashed on the dashboard:  the driver should consider stopping for a cup of coffee.

Not the icon for low tire pressure.

Not reminding us to stop for gas.

The car was nagging us to pull over for a caffeine fix.

Why in the world would a rental car think we needed coffee?

Maybe it was the length of time the car had been running without stopping. Maybe it was the number of lane changes. The traffic was heavy, and we’ve learned from Houston driving that you have to make quick moves to avoid getting stuck behind someone driving 10 miles below the speed limit.

Naggers don’t really need a reason to nag – we do it because we’re programmed to do so.

Electronics have made our lives easier and safer – smoke detectors and house alarms come to mind. When the batteries need replacing, they beep until you take care of business.

Our house alarm will call the police if we don’t key in the password within two minutes. My computer will lock me out if I type in the wrong password more than three times.

We don’t have to pay attention to daylight savings time – our watches and clocks automatically reset the time – and the refrigerator beeps if we leave the door open longer than 30 seconds.

I can set up apps on my phone to nag me about drinking more water, when it’s time to take a walk or it’s time to meditate.

But these reminders could go too far.

What’s next – apps to remind me to buy life insurance or get my prescriptions refilled?

Will my car refuse to start until I’ve assured the vehicle’s computers I remembered to turn off the lights in the house and I’ve got my wallet in my purse?

Come to think of it, having something remind me to pack my wallet wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Having electronics tell you to pull over for coffee or remind you to call your mother so she stops nagging you might not be such a bad thing.

We professional naggers could use an apprentice.

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.