Our niece is getting married this summer, and there’s a wedding shower in a couple of weeks. Like most brides these days, Kayla and Nolan are registered at a gift store, so I checked the registry to see what they needed and wanted.
No surprise, my niece is going for a clean, crisp look. The appliances and items she’s chosen are pretty, practical and useful. I’ve shopped on this site for other couples requesting $50 salt-and-pepper shakers and shook my head in dismay, thinking that couple’s in for a rude awakening.
Starting a family is expensive. New couples need everything, and not just big items. There’s the little things we take for granted after years of being married, but new couples start from scratch.
Spices, condiments, drinking glasses, cleansers, trash cans, foil, breakfast cereal, frozen pizza – the list goes on and on. So helping a young couple get on their feet is a tradition most of us embrace and do our best to get them set up so they don’t have to worry about eating from take-out containers because there’s no plates in the cabinet.
As I looked over their list a little more carefully, I realized the things new couples really need aren’t listed on any registry and can’t be found in any store.
Trust. A man and a woman who take their vows to love, honor and cherish for the rest of their lives have to trust that the other person really means what they promise at the altar. They also have to trust that if one breaks the covenant and asks for forgiveness, forgiveness will be given.
Friendship. Husbands and wives have to be friends, not just lovers. Friendship in a marriage allows you to plan a vacation together so, at the end of the week, you’re still talking. When you’re married to your friend, you know if there’s a problem at work, your spouse will be there. They’ll patiently listen to you whine, complain and gnash your teeth about a situation they can’t fix.
Tolerance. Let’s face it – we all have habits we don’t realize could cause someone to raise their eyebrows and question your upbringing. These include clipping your toenails while sitting on the living room couch, reading magazines in the bathroom and leaving facial hair and leg hair all over the bathroom floor.
A blessing on all spouses who overlook the little annoyances.
Amnesia. We all make mistakes, and nobody wants to be reminded of those mistakes for the next 50 years. Forgetting that your wife lost the debit card on vacation and never reminding her about it is gold in the bank. Casually forgetting that your husband bought an expensive video game he never plays is one of those purchases you need never bring up.
Teamwork. Marriages are often described as partnerships. In a true partnership, each partner gives 50 percent and each partner contributes something different to the entity to make it work. In a marriage, it’s never even. Sometimes one will be giving 100 percent while the other regroups. Perhaps his job’s overwhelming, the kids are demanding or other family members need your wife’s attention. A functioning team understands that the team often works like a see saw, but in the end, balance is always sought and usually restored.
Laughter. When the toilet’s overflowing and you’re both mopping as fast as you can while the buzzer’s going off in the kitchen, the phone’s ringing and your 2-year-old waddles in with a dirty diaper, you can either scream at each other or laugh. Take my advice on this one – laugh then cry and then laugh some more.
The stuff – pots, pans, towels and coffee makers – are what you need to set up a household. The intangibles – trust, laughter and tolerance – are what you need to set up a home.
This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.